


Black Hat is a Fun Drunk

by FallinForAGuyFellDownFromTheSky



Series: Black Hat is a Fun Drunk (the complete series!) [1]
Category: Powerpuff Girls, Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: (probably), Black Hat and Him are drinking buddies, Black Hat is drunk and horny, But this will not have smut, Flug just wants to go home, M/M, PaperHat (if you squint) - Freeform, that go to gay bars, ya'll knew Him was gay don't act surprised
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-03 10:29:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14567049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallinForAGuyFellDownFromTheSky/pseuds/FallinForAGuyFellDownFromTheSky
Summary: Dr. Flug never knew what his boss did when he went off with Him. And he never really cared to know either. But when Him calls up saying Black Hat is about to get them kicked out of a bar because he can't keep his hands to himself, Flug is the only one who can go get him.Why did he come on this trip? (Paperhat if you squint)





	1. T.M.I.

Dr. Flug was not expecting the voice on the other end of the phone.

 

When he agreed to accompany Black Hat on his trip to the city of Townsville, it was under the assumption that he’d, you know, actually  _ accompany  _ Black Hat! Not that Black Hat would ditch him to go do...whatever it was he was doing with Him.

Him was an odd guy. At least Flug was  _ pretty sure _ he was a guy. He was honestly more like a crab person. If devils could be counted as a people. Should “he” be capitalized when talking about “Him”? Anyway, as far as clients go, he was someone Black Hat more or less didn’t hate. He thought he was pathetic, as he did everyone else, but there a certain sort of history between them that Flug could tell was there even though he didn’t know any of the details. Black Hat liked Him better than he liked Aku or Nergal, that was for sure.

 

Probably because Aku was cowardly and Nergal ripped off his outfit. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but Black Hat found it distasteful.

While Him had consistently lost to kindergarteners, he had still maintained his dignity. Somewhat. Maybe. Flug didn’t really know their history but Black Hat got along with the devil fine and occasionally they’d get together and do who knows what. Flug wasn’t going to question it.

 

So, while Black Hat took off with Him, Dr. Flug was left to his own devices. He kept himself busy observing that Professor Utonium fellow, who’d created life from simple base elements and the rare chemical X. He was unknown by the professor, and was able to get close. He met his three daughters, heroic little brats, and even managed to sneak a sample of chemicals when the professor had his back turned.

 

Trusting do-gooding fools.

 

When the sun began setting and Dr. Flug had still not heard from Black Hat, he supposed that the boss was busy with whatever he and Him (god that was confusing) had gotten up to and left it at that. He (Dr. Flug) got himself some dinner from the Little Tokyo district, which was remarkable well intact given the giant fish balloon monster attack they’d had just a few years ago. The species had taken quite well to the local water, it was possible that there were still specimens living out in the lake.

Dr. Flug hoped they’d survived. He put so much work into designing them.

 

With his dinner finished and it starting to get late, Dr. Flug considered calling his boss. While he knew his employer did NOT like being disturbed, he also knew that an entire day of radio silence could only mean something had happened. He was not worried, his boss was Black Hat, the deadliest creature to walk the face of the earth and the most powerful villain in existence. He was more worried about himself, and where he’d be sleeping tonight if Black Hat didn’t teleport him home.

Black Hat wouldn’t go home without him, would he?

 

_ Would he?? _

 

So when, after two hours of walking around the city he finally got a call from Black Hat’s cell phone, he was relieved. It must be Black Hat, finally done with Him and ready to go! He was probably going to scream at him for some inane reason and then they could go home. Dr. Flug was excited to see what new uses he could find for chemical X.

Suffice it to say, Dr. Flug was not expecting the unearthly voice of  _ HIM  _ to be coming from the other line.

 

“Jefecito?”

“ _ Hmm? Doctor? Is that you? _ ” said that otherworldly tone that dipped high and low like someone fooling around with a pitch meter.

“H-Him?”

“ _ Mmmm yes, it is I. Him. _ ”

 

Oh God Flug’s inner grammar nerd was twitching. That just sounded so wrong.

 

“Him, where is Black Hat?”

“ _ Oh he’s right here with me,  _ **_at The Red Room_ ** .” Him’s voice dipped down low into a baritone pitch.

“Um, ok,” Flug said, not sure where that was or why Him’s voice got so deep at the mention of their location. “So, when do you think you two will be leaving?”

“ _ Oh, in about a minute if Black Hat doesn’t stop groping the guys at the bar. _ ”

  
  


…………...whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat………….

  
  


“W-what?!” Dr. Flug nearly screamed into the phone.

“ _ Yeah, he’s always been a fun drunk but he’s getting a bit too carried away. _ ” Him sounded almost bored, like this was a regular thing when he and Black Hat got together. “ _ That’s actually why I called, can you come get him? The bouncer already tried to throw him out.  _ **_Didn’t go so well for him._ ** They’ve probably already called the police.”

 

Dr. Flug tried to process what Him had just told him.

Black Hat got drunk...was groping guys at a place called The Red Room...and he, meek scientist he was, had to go get him before the cops showed up. Or, god forbid, the local heroes.

 

Dr. Flug took a deep breath. “Ok, ok, I’m coming. Try and keep him under control, ok?”

“ _ Mmmmhmmmm, no promises. Better hurry, Doctor. _ ” Him said in a flighty ethereal tone. Then he hung up.

 

Dr. Flug rubbed his eyes through his goggles. He figured the quickest way to get through this was to just get Black Hat and hope he could sober him up enough to teleport them home. Then he could be back in his bed below his model planes and could forget he ever heard that his boss, Lord Black Hat, got drunk and was molesting other guys.

Seriously, he didn’t need to know about what his boss got up to outside of work.

 

Dr. Flug typed the name “The Red Room” into his Maps app and-

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaand it’s a gay bar. Lovely. Just what he needed.

 

At least it was only about twenty minutes walking distance.


	2. W.W.J.D.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Flug makes his way to The Red Room. Given how many cops are already surrounding the place, things don't look good.
> 
> Him lets him know that the situation has escalated a bit, and that the best course of action might not be to let word get out about he and Black Hat leaving a gay bar together, given their working relationship.
> 
> Desperate times call for desperate wardrobe changes. Hopefully that shirt is clean.

Welp, the cops were already surrounding the place.

 

_ Goody. _

 

The Red Room itself was a plain black building with red accents on the roofing and window panes, along with the bright red neon sign and flashed on and off periodically. Dr. Flug couldn’t tell exactly what was going on, but given how hesitant any of the police officers were to approach the building, it couldn’t be anything good.

Well, this just couldn’t be easy now could it?

 

While Dr. Flug stayed posted about a block away, surveying the situation, he noticed an ambulance pull up on the scene. And two policemen carried one of their fallen comrades into it on a stretcher.

Hopefully the Powerpuff Girls were already asleep in bed by this time. Or just wouldn’t be called given the nature of this situation. They were little girls in kindergarten for Pete’s sake, they didn’t need to be exposed to this!

 

Especially if his boss, the infallible Lord Black Hat, was actually in there drunk as a skunk and trying to hit on other guys.

 

Hell, the mental image was sure to give  _ Dr. Flug _ nightmares. It was just a situation he absolutely never imagined he’d ever find himself in. And he was terrified about what he might find once he went inside to collect his boss.

Assuming he could even get inside with all that commotion.

 

His phone buzzed, Black Hat’s name flashed on the screen.

Unless Black Hat was now drunk-dialling, it was probably Him calling to see if he’d found the place.

 

Dr. Flug answered, “Hello?”

“ _ Doctor,  _ **_QUIET YOU!_ ** ” Dr. Flug really hoped that was meant for someone else. “ _ Doctor, have you made your way to our little hangout spot yet?” _

__

 

__

Him sounded...almost nervous.

__

 

__

“Yes, I’m about a block away. There are a lot of cops surrounding the place and I can’t get in without making a scene.”

__

“ _ Come in through the back, _ ” Him said quickly, like he was desperate to get Dr. Flug inside. “ _ The last cops to try that way had all their bones broken by your boss. They aren’t trying  _ **_that_ ** _ again. _ ”

__

 

__

Dr. Flug thought back to the man being carried away on a stretcher. The ambulance was still here, and it seemed that a handful of other men and women in uniform were in need of medical attention as well.

__

 

__

“O-ok. I’ll be right there.” Dr. Flug said.

__

“ **_Please hurry he’s only getting worse and the bartender is too afraid to cut him off_ ** _. _ ”

__

 

__

There was a crash on the other line, along with some inhuman shrieking that Flug could just barely hear coming from The Red Room.

__

 

__

“ _ You know, you may want to come incognito. There are still a few people hiding out in the booths. Wouldn’t want rumors to start spreading now, would we? _ ” Him chuckled darkly.

__

Well this night just kept getting better and better.

__

“Thanks for the heads up, Him.” Dr. Flug hung up and thought about what he was going to do.

__

 

__

On the one hand, he hated taking off his paper bag for any reason. His face was too recognizable from his time as an actor. For the most part he stuck to bit roles and background parts, but he did  _ a lot _ of bit roles and background parts. Everyone had seen him in  _ something _ . Of course, he never called himself “Flug”, he used a stage name, but his face was pretty well known. It attracted too much attention to him and wearing a paper bag over his head rather than a “normal” mask made people think he was deformed or had horrible scars or something along those lines.

__

In truth, Dr. Flug looked perfectly normal. He had fair skin, curly brown hair, and pale blue eyes.

__

 

__

On the other hand, if his boss was drunk and making noises like  _ that _ , he was likely to lose his disguise anyway. And being forcibly un-bagged in a semi-public location was a much worse scenario than walking in without his precious security paper.

__

What was more was the fact that Black Hat had never actually seen Dr. Flug without his bag. So there was no telling what Black Hat would do if he went in without his trademark headwear.

__

 

__

Well, the most important thing would be to make sure that no one made the connection between Dr. Flug Slys and his stage name, Flynn Sills. To achieve that, he’d have to do more than just remove his bag. He’d have to change his whole wardrobe.

__

He was still dressed as Dr. Flug, and that just wouldn’t do. Even if he was able to get Black Hat back home, he didn’t want rumors going around that he and Black Hat were seen leaving a gay bar.  _ Together _ .  _ Very close together. _ He didn’t need that kind of attention. Not to mention what Demencia would do to him if she thought for a second he was interested in Black Hat.

__

 

__

Or what Black Hat would do if Dr. Flug sullied his image with his existence.

__

 

__

Sneaking around the back of the building was incredibly easy. Dr. Flug guessed that since the last guys met with such a gruesome fate, they’d abandoned this entryway. Not wanting to stay long enough to even guard it. The door was unlocked and Dr. Flug slipped in quietly.

__

He found himself in some sort of dressing room, presumably for the, um,  _ entertainers  _ of the establishment, going by the amount of skimpy outfits that left so little to the imagination that Dr. Flug felt embarrassed just looking at them. He didn’t dare touch anything, he was too afraid of contracting anything. Not that he was against this sort of profession! If someone chose to make their money this way that was their business! Dr. Flug was just personally very uncomfortable with it. And he wanted nothing more than to go out, grab his eldritch boss by the lapels and splash him with water until he was lucid enough to take him back home.

__

 

__

But, this was the most opportune moment to blend in…

__

 

__

The goggles came off first, followed by the paper bag. Dr. Flug brushed his chestnut curls out of his eyes and took a gander at what might be slightly cleaner than the rest. Even with his face exposed, he was still dressed as the meek scientist of the Black Hat Organization. And his boss probably wouldn't like him butting into his “me time”. The white lab coat was removed, but he wrapped it around his waist with the sleeves. It was too good a coat to abandon in a dirty place like this.

__

His jeans and chucks were fine, they were casual but stylish enough. But the shirt would have to be changed. To one really went to clubs like this in a dorky plane T-Shirt. At least, Dr. Flug didn’t think they did. He’d always been more focused on his scientific endeavours than anything else, so he supposed he didn’t really know.

__

 

__

Swallowing his pride, and a fair amount of fear, he switched his comfortable shirt with it’s geeky broken plane for a sequined yellow top with a V-Neck.

__

He looked ridiculous and awkward and uncomfortable.

__

 

__

It would have to do.

__

 

__

Dr. Flug opened the door to what he hoped would be the main room of the place, hoped he wouldn’t be walking out on stage, and poked his head out.

__


	3. F.M.L.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Flug goes out and tries to get Black Hat to take him home. However will he manage with his revealing shirt, submissive behavior, shameless kissing-up, and natural good looks?
> 
> Maybe a bit too well.
> 
> Him is no help at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up longer than I meant it to be. But there wasn't really anywhere I felt like splitting it and I don't intend for this to be any more than the 4 chapters listed.
> 
> Also things get slightly suggestive here. You have been warned.

The place was bathed in red, the furniture was a mix of black, magenta, and white that looked pink given the lighting, there was a large bar with one frightened man behind in just trying not to incur the wrath of his patrons, a few waiters and waitresses peeking out from the bottom, a medium sized stage with poles on it for the, ahem,  _ entertainment _ , and the walls were lined with large carmine booths.

Most of which were empty, a few in the far corners of the room had two to three young men each in revealing outfits hunkered down under the table trying not to be spotted.

 

One booth not too far away had Him, in his standard outfit that Dr. Flug could never fully figure out. Was a belted dress, or a coat with poofy pink lining? Or was Him wearing something frilly underneath that poked out from the collar, sleeves, and hem? Whatever it was he was wearing he was looking very concerned as he tipped back a fluorescent pink margarita. Black Hat sat across from Him.

In the middle between Him and Black Hat was another man. A rather thin and scrawny man in a tank top who seemed like he was about to start crying as he half-heartedly tried to escape from the grasp of his suited suitor.

 

Black Hat was swaying back and forth a lot, and trying to pull the poor man closer. He’d taken off his black coat and his top hat was sitting crooked on his head, revealing the brim of the bowler hat he wore underneath.

 

Dr. Flug was afraid. What was he supposed to do? What would he even  _ say  _ to Black Hat? What  _ could  _ he say? He didn’t know how to handle this! He’d never even seen Black Hat drink before, so he didn’t even know what he was like when drunk!

Well, apparently he was flirty and couldn’t take no for an answer, which didn’t exactly help right now!

 

Steeling himself, and hoping not to attract attention before he got to Black Hat’s booth, he walked briskly over and tried to figure out what it was he was going to do. He kept his head down, hoping that no one would take notice of the newcomer who just walked out of the dressing room and was showing off a rather thin but firm and hairless chest.

 

When he finally got within arms reach of the booth containing his boss, his apparent drinking buddy, and his unfortunate victim, Dr. Flug did the most bizarre thing he’d even imagine himself doing in the entirety of his life.

 

He sat down next to Black Hat.

 

And that was about it. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t tap him on the shoulder (in truth touching his boss at all was a terrifying thought), he just kind of. Sat down. Randomly. Black Hat didn’t even notice.

 

Was this really the best idea he could come up with?!

 

Dr. Flug, or maybe he should introduce himself as “Flynn” to keep his identity secret, took a deep breath and was immediately assaulted with the sour scent of whiskey and some fruity concoction. He wanted to gag.

Him was giving him (oh god that was weird to say) a funny look, like he was trying to think of where he might’ve seen him before. What could Flug say, he got a lot of work back in his time as an actor. Dr. Flug offered a nervous smile, hoping Him would be able to connect the sniveling scientist with the mystery man before him.

 

“ _ Doctor? _ ” The devil asked in confusion. “ _ Is that you? _ ”

 

Dr. Flug gave a small nod and a wave from across the table.

 

“ **Doctor?** ” Asked a gruff voice to Dr. Flug’s left.

 

Dr. Flug’s blood ran cold as he turned his head a bit to look his boss in the eye. His eye was bloodshot and unfocused, and the top hat was about to fall off. Maybe it would bring the bowler hat with it and they’d finally see what Black Hat had under there. Maybe it was a fedora. Maybe it was a beret. Maybe Black Hat just had infinite hats on his head.

Black Hat looked angry at first, maybe it was just his first reaction to hearing “doctor”, but as he looked over Dr. Flug’s face and body, lingering on his exposed chest for a bit, his features softened. His face became more relaxed and he smiled seductively.

 

“ **Why, hello there. I haven’t seen your face here before cutie.** ” The eldritch said, releasing his grip on the other man. His speech was slurred a bit but he seemed to at least be aware of his surroundings.

 

Said scared guy took that as his opportunity of escape and bolted across Him’s legs and out the door. The whole thing took roughly two seconds.

 

Well that was reassuring.

 

Oh damn Black Hat was still staring at him. He was probably expecting some kind of response. Quick, say something! Say something!

 

“I, uh, I don’t go out very much.” He said, trying to be casual. Him was still knocking back pink beverages like nothing serious was going on. Utterly useless devil!

“ **Well, lucky me to find you out tonight.** ” Black Hat said, laying a hand on Dr. Flug’s thigh and squeezing. Oh God he was pushy! No wonder he chased off every other guy!

 

“L-Lucky me to find the great Lord Black Hat the first time I go out in months.” Dr. Flug said with a chuckle, not really sure where he was going with this. Why on earth was he flirting back?! Black Hat was gonna be pissed when he sobered up and realized it was him!

 

Well,  _ if  _ he realized it was him.

 

“ **Oh, you’ve heard of me?** ” Black Hat asked, backing away a bit to smirk at him. Ok, maybe this could work. Black Hat was a sucker for praise, and maybe with a bit of ego-stroking Dr. Flug could convince him to take them home.

 

Of course, he had no idea what he would do once they actually got there, but that could be solved at a later point in time.

 

“Heh, who hasn’t heard of Black Hat?” Dr. Flug said, hoping to butter him up nice and good. “You’re the greatest villain in history.”

“ **Oh stop,** ” Black Hat said, although it was obvious he wanted Flug to continue.

“But it’s true. You’ve brought civilizations to their knees and decimated entire planets! You’ve done more for the forces of evil and villainy than anyone else in the entire universe I bet! You’re the best!”

 

Black Hat yanked the smaller man onto his lap, making Dr. Flug let out a high pitched squeal. He couldn’t fight back, not with Black Hat’s threatening grip on his wrists. And waist. And one of his ankles. Oh man he was using the tentacles Dr. Flug was not prepared for this!

And, if he was being honest, it just wasn’t in him to go against Black Hat. He was his subordinate and he obeyed him pretty much on instinct at this point.

Where Black Hat was concerned, Dr. Flug was too used to submitting. The eldritch monstrosity was too strong to overpower, and Dr. Flug never had a chance anyway.

 

Of course, with Black Hat drunk maybe he did, but it wasn’t something that even occurred to him until it was too late.

 

“ **Flattery will get you everywhere.** ” Black Hat slurred hotly into his ear. His hands and tentacles were roaming over the thin doctor’s body, making him shiver and whimper. Black Hat held him so his back was pressed against him, and he could feel every little jerk and twitch he made. Black Hat seemed to enjoy the little noises he’d make and how he’d squirm, because he kept doing things to make him repeat them.

Dr. Flug locked eyes with Him, who offered a look of what was perhaps sympathy, if such a being was capable of feeling an emotion like that.

 

“So, thi-THIS!” Dr. Flug shrieked as Black Hat’s hands ran up and down his sides, getting a sense of his figure. “This is what you two do when you come to Townsville? I was expecting something more...destructive.”

“ **Everyone needs to wind down sometimes,** ” Black Hat said into the nape of his neck, sending more goosebumps across the doctors flesh. “ **It’s not easy being the best.** ”

 

Dr. Flug nodded eagerly. “I’ll, I’ll bet.”

 

Oh God this was surreal. Never on his life did Dr. Flug ever imagine that his boss, the great Lord Black Hat, would even in a million years be drunk and molesting him in a gay bar while Him watched and carried on like this was a normal night for the three of them. Apparently the shock had worn off with another few sips and Him was no longer concerned with Dr. Flug’s well-being.

 

“ _ It’s not an easy thing to relax either, _ ” Him said while he twirled another margarita around in his claws. “ _ You know how high a demon’s alcohol tolerance is? We’ve been at this all day and only really started feeling it an hour or so ago. _ ”

 

Black Hat was now sucking at Dr. Flug’s neck sloppily. Oh God this was weird. And felt...strange. It didn’t feel bad per se, but it was just, well, this was BLACK HAT! Destroyer of worlds and conqueror of nations! Who was now giving Dr. Flug a multitude of hickies and causing small nicks in the skin with his teeth.

 

OH SWEET JESUS HIS TEETH! HE COULD RIP OPEN HIS THROAT LIKE IT WAS MADE OF TISSUE PAPER!

 

Him seemed to be enjoying his discomfort, as was Black Hat if the low chuckles in Dr. Flug’s ear were anything to go by. The more Dr. Flug tried to worm out of his grasp the tighter Black Hat held him against him.

 

“ **Mmmm, you’re playful little thing, aren’t you cutie?** ” Black Hat said, his voice rumbling into his ear again. His hand snaking into the v-neck and OH GOD HE WAS GETTING WAY TOO PERSONAL!!!!!

Black Hat rubbing circles around his nipples forced Dr. Flug to arch his back hard and let loose another embarrassingly high pitched whine. He’d be kicking and trying to get away, but well, his legs were held apart in the throngs of his bosses tentacles.

 

Dr. Flug was getting worried. This was going a bit too far and he didn’t have the nerve to tell Black Hat to stop. He tried to get Him’s attention again, to maybe get some help.

Him was glassy eyed and leaning heavily on one of his crab claws. It took a few seconds of staring for him (The crab demon in thigh high heeled boots) to do so much as talk to him (the scientist).

 

“ _ So, I don’t think we ever got your name, cutie? _ ” He said, grinning wickedly with his eyes half lidded.

 

HIM THAT IS NOT HELPING!!!

 

“My name is--IS FLYNN!” He gasped as one of Black Hat’s hands traveled south. “F-Flynn Sills!”

“ _ And what is it you do, Flynn? _ ” Him asked as he took another sip of his margarita.

“I’m, I’m an actor.” He said in between gasps for breath.

“ _ Oh I thought you looked familiar. You play in movies? _ ”

“Yeah, I do-”

“ **Oh a movie star!** ” Black Hat said loudly. He slapped his hands on the doctor’s hips. “ **Cute and talented.** ”

 

Dr. Flug tried to offer a nervous smile over his shoulder, but the conversation was cut off by a voice amplified by a megaphone from outside.

  
  


“THIS IS THE TOWNSVILLE POLICE! IF YOU DO NOT VACATE THE PREMISES WITH YOUR HANDS UP WE WILL BE FORCED TO ENTER!”

  
  


Dr. Flug looked around. Aside from the bartender and a waiter or two peeking from behind the bar, the place seemed to be empty. Maybe the few remaining stragglers had taken the chance while Dr. Flug had Black Hat distracted to escape the bar and get to safety. How he wished he could join them!

The police seemed to put Black Hat in a sour mood, as he was now scowling and letting Flug (or rather Flynn) go. He pushed him back further into the booth.

 

“ **Excuse me, Flynn,** ” He said. “ **But it seems the cops still haven’t learned their lesson. I’ll be right back.** ”

 

Oh no. No no no no he couldn’t go out there! He couldn’t let him go out and slaughter those officers! Then the Powerpuff Girls would be called for sure! Even though they were annoying do-gooding heroic brats, Dr. Flug didn’t want Black Hat to kill them!

Or worse, be defeated in his inebriated state. By three little girls. Three little kindergarten-age girls.

 

Dr. Flug reached out quickly and grabbed him by the arm. “Wait!”

 

Black Hat looked surprised, but he didn’t push him away. Dr. Flug was also surprised at himself. To think, he had actually reached out and grabbed his boss! THE Black Hat! What had he done!?

No time to think of that, he needed to convince Black Hat to take him home. NOW.

Quick, what would it take to get him to go home right now instead of fighting local law enforcement? And to take a stranger he just met along with him? How could he get Black Hat to allow some random guy to come home with him?

 

Well, there was... _ one thing _ …

 

Dr. Flug didn’t want to do this. But he didn’t seem to have any choice.

 

“Um, Lord Black Hat, sir?” He asked with his eyes down, trying not to lose his nerve. “Instead of, well, fighting off the cops so we can stay here, could we maybe go somewhere a bit more... _ private _ ?”

 

He looked up through his curly brown locks, trying to be as coy as possible. Black Hat already thought he was “cute”, so if he could just play the kittenish fanboy angle a bit more he was sure to get a ticket home with Black Hat.

Where exactly in his home he’d be going he shuddered to think, but that was a problem for later. Not much later but still.

 

Black Hat’s face fell for a split second, but then it broke into a wide predatory grin. One Dr. Flug was quite familiar with and it simultaneously filled him with dread and a twisted sort of anticipation. It meant Black Hat was pleased, which Dr. Flug usually liked as it meant he’d done a good job. It usually filled him with a sense of accomplishment and pride.

But this time, maybe he’d done  _ too  _ good a job.

 

“ **Oh sure, sure! How’s about you come home with me, huh? You want to come home with me cutie?** ” Black Hat cupped Dr. Flug’s face in his hands like he was talking to an especially cute animal he’d found on the street.

 

Dr. Flug nodded sheepishly. His nervousness only seemed to add to his appeal for the dark skinned being.

Black Hat swiftly picked him up by the waist and held him against him. Dr. Flug did his best to play along, wrapping an arm around his boss timidly. Black Hat righted his top hat and summoned his cane and coat out of the shadows. Dr. Flug allowed himself to relax a little. Finally, they could go home.

 

Black Hat looked to Him, who still hadn’t moved and was eyeing the two of them dreamily. Dr. Flug wondered how drunk he’d gotten, he seemed pretty out of it.

 

Black Hat gestured to Flug, not releasing his grip in the slightest. “ **You want to share him?** ”

 

Dr. Flug felt his heart stop. No. God, Satan, Krishna, please no. He couldn’t handle it if it came to that. Black Hat’s intentions were frightening enough on their own, but HIM?! Not one, but two demons!? “Sharing” him? No no no no no no no no no please no his body wouldn’t be able to take it! He was sure he’d die! They’d tear him apart before the night was through!

 

“ _ Mmmmm, no thanks, _ ” Him thankfully replied. “ _ I’m about ready to call it a night. _ ”

“ **Suit yourself.** ” Black Hat said as he turned, still grinning.

 

Then both Black Hat and Dr. Flug were swallowed by the darkness as they were teleported back to the manor. Dr. Flug just barely caught Him’s final parting words, almost like he’d whispered them in his mind quietly.

 

“ _ Do be careful, Doctor.  _ **_He tends to bite._ ** ”

 

When the darkness faded, Dr. Flug was greeted by more darkness. It took a second for his eyes to adjust and for Black Hat to let go of his waist, and he gradually was able to make out the room.

The carpet was a deep maroon, while the walls were an ethereal black that seemed to shift and move out of the corner of Dr. Flug’s eyes. Like some ancient entity was there, peeking out but unable to leave it’s two-dimensional confines. There were portraits on the wall, the subjects couldn’t be made out due to the lack of lighting but Dr. Flug knew who was in them.

In front of the two men was a bed. Although the term “bed” felt inadequate in describing the expanse of frame, mattress, pillows, and covers before them. There was king size, and then there was emperor size, and then there was  _ this _ . It was taking up a good third of the room, and this was an exceptionally large room! The canopy stretched halfway up the 20 foot high ceiling and the sheer cover shrouding the bed shimmered and swayed although there was no breeze to be found, the wood of the bedposts looked like it had faces frozen mid-scream protruding from it. As if the wood itself sprouted mouths to vocalize it’s pain.

Dr. Flug felt his mind and heart stop momentarily as he came to the realization that he stood in a bedroom.

 

More specifically, Black Hat’s bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ask nice, I'll write an alternate ending where Him gets involved and things get smutty. REEEEEEEALLY smutty.


	4. B.Y.O.B.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Flug find himself in Black Hat's bedroom. With Black Hat. A very drunk and frisky Black Hat. How will he get out of THIS ONE?
> 
> And I try in (mild) vain to keep this from being too smutty.

Dr. Flug couldn’t move. He wanted to be trembling with fear. He wanted to be shaking in his shoes. He wanted to be screaming until his throat was raw and kicking and punching and running out of the doors, to hell with what Black Hat thought of it.

But he didn’t. He didn’t do any of those things. He offered no resistance as Black Hat led him by the hand past the gossamer-like veil of his bed and pulled him down to lay on the expensive sheets. As Black Hat ran his clawed hands across his body, the doctor barely flinched at the contact. If anything, this was actually less invasive than what he’d been doing at the bar.

 

Dr. Flug’s breathing felt shallow. His main focus was keeping his breaths steady so he didn’t hyperventilate. Inwardly, he was terrified. He had no idea what Black Hat was going to do to him (Well, not  _ no  _ idea but he really couldn’t bring himself to put it into words), and he wasn’t sure whether or not he should just let it happen or try to put an end to things when they were already in bed.

Would Black Hat get angry at him, if he refused him after he (as Flynn) was the one who suggested they go “somewhere more private”? Would he lash out and hurt him in his frustration? Would he go so far as to  _ kill him _ ? As far as Black Hat knew he was just some guy he met at a bar, so he probably wouldn’t think twice about killing him.

 

Dr. Flug gasped as Black Hat’s hand groped his manhood. He hadn’t even realized he’d been getting aroused from all the touching.

That really sucked. He wished that arousal was something that could be controlled, and not an instinctual bodily reaction to stimuli. He really wished there was something he could do to stop himself from groaning as Black Hat palmed his length through his jeans. He didn’t want to spur Black Hat on further still by making him think he really was into this.

 

Because he wasn’t. It was one thing to theorize about what exactly Black Hat was and wonder about how his kind reproduced (Black Hat certainly didn’t strike him as an affectionate being until tonight), it was a WHOLE OTHER THING to actually sleep with his boss!

 

And he really wasn’t in the mood to justifying his actions as being “For Science!”

 

Black Hat moved on top of Dr. Flug, grinning lopsidedly. He stared down at Dr. Flug (or rather Flynn) and must’ve liked what he saw because he made some weird noise in the back of his throat.

Dr. Flug wasn’t even going to entertain the idea that Black Hat was purring. It was growling-sensually-like and he was going to continue believing that until Black Hat himself told him otherwise.

 

“A-a-AAAAAH.” Dr. Flug gasped as he felt Black Hat’s tentacles continue where his hands left off, but going even further. They snaked their way inside and out of his shirt, teasing his sensitive nipples and pinning him down harder than before. His hands were held tight against the bed on either side of his head by tentacles.

Everything Black Hat did spurred on even further humiliatingly high-pitched whines from Dr. Flug’s throat. He arched into the contact on reflex. Embarrassingly so. His face felt hot.

Dr. Flug bit down on his lower lip, trying to maintain some of his dignity. Black Hat apparently didn’t approve of that, as drew his hands and tentacles away. All but the ones that held his (unbeknownst) doctor down.

 

“ **Tsk, tsk, tsk.** ” Black Hat clicked his tongue as he wagged a taloned finger back and forth in front of the panting doctors face. Like one would a misbehaving child. Rather than disappointed, Black Hat looked rather teasing. “ **Don’t hold all those adorable noises in, Flynn. I want to hear every cute little moan you make.** ”

 

Black Hat placed his hands on the bottom of Dr. Flug’s sequined yellow top, like he was going to pull it off, but froze. A rather annoyed look crossed his face.

 

“ **Forgive me, Flynn.** ” He said with a sigh. “ **Nature calls.** ” He removed himself from Dr. Flug’s proximity and got up off the bed. “ **I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.** ” He said that last part with a malicious grin and a familiar evil twinkly in his eye. Dr. Flug could only see it because he’d grown used to recognizing it from his many years of service to the Black Hat Organization. He’d first seen it his first day on the job. It was synonymous with “ **You** **_can’t_ ** **go anywhere** .”

 

Dr. Flug gulped down air. He needed to think of something, and fast. Who knows how much further this would go if he didn’t do something? It wasn’t as if Black Hat was going to pass out from intoxication anytime soon. The eldritch was drunk, maybe drunk enough that he wouldn’t remember what transpired tonight, but he wasn’t  _ that  _ drunk.

Hey, there’s an idea.

 

“C-could we have some wine?” Dr. Flug called out as Black Hat exited the room. “The stuff at The Red Room just doesn’t do it for me, heh.”

“ **Sure, sure,** ” Black Hat replied. Dr. Flug heard the snap of fingers and found a bucket of ice with a wine bottle in it poof into existence beside him. Along with two wine glasses.

 

Ok, ok, ok. This could possibly work. He just had to be smart about it. Wine is up to 50% stronger than liquor. On average, a single glass of wine held the equivalent to three bottles of liquor. Even with his demonic tolerance to alcohol, this just might work.

Dr. Flug could just barely make out the label on the wine bottle, which was already pretty chilled surprisingly. Did Black Hat just have this waiting around in the event he needed wine at the drop of a hat?

 

It was a red wine, and from the little he remembered about aging he was sure it was at its peak. It was a good year, from what he knew.

 

Now, how was he supposed to open this? Was there a corkscrew somewhere? Dr. Flug didn’t see one. He got on his hands and knees and felt around the bed, hoping to find some instrument to open this damn thing. He wasn’t coming up with anything.

C’mon, Black Hat, how was Dr. Flug supposed to get you drunk enough to pass out before you can molest him further if you don’t even provide him with a corkscrew?

 

He didn’t hear Black Hat return.

Or feel when Black Hat climbed back into bed from behind him.

But he sure felt Black Hat grab him by the waist and pull him into his lap.

 

Dr. Flug let loose another embarrassingly adorable gasp as he felt Black Hat’s, ahem,  _ excitement _ , poking through his dress pants. Oh shit oh shit oh shit this wasn’t going to work if Black Hat just skipped the wine-ing and stalling part of the evening and skipped right ahead to the very thing Dr. Flug was trying to prevent!

Dr. Flug still held the wine bottle clutched in one hand, squirming against Black Hat’s hold of him. This made the eldritch laugh, darkly and menacingly and Dr. Flug really wished he would stop being so amused at his pathetic escape attempts.

 

“ **Mmmm, keep squirming baby.** ” He growled into his ear. “ **I like that.** ”

 

Dr. Flug really wished he had gone still, instead of trying to worm his way out of his bosses grasp even harder. He was just giving the man what he wanted, and he knew it, but things seemed to be heading south (much like Black Hat’s hand, slowly working it’s way down his navel) and he was starting to panic.

Oh right, his plan!

 

“Lord Black Hat.” Dr. Flug said between gasps and fidgets. “C-could you open this?” He held up the wine bottle.

 

It seemed Black Hat had forgotten about that, because it took him a few seconds to figure out what it was Dr. Flug was asking.

 

“ **Oh, right!** ” He said. “ **Sorry, I forgot you can’t get that open yourself.** ”

With that, he grabbed the wine bottle by the neck and stuck one of his sharp talons into the cork. Neat, Dr. Flug would’ve never thought Black Hat could just use his talons as corkscrews. Convenient

 

The wine was uncorked and Dr. Flug filled the two glasses near the brim. Hey, if he didn’t go right for the kill from the get-go this was never going to work.

Black Hat grabbed his with one of his tentacles and sipped so much he was practically chugging it. Good news for Dr. Flug, it just meant it was going to hit him harder.

 

Dr. Flug himself sipped slowly, surprised at the succulent sweetness of the drink. He was never a big fan of wine, they had all tasted rather sour to him, but this was...this was fantastic! He never knew wine could be this sweet.

 

Black Hat crawled over to the mountain of pillows at the head of the bed and plopped himself down in a relaxed position. He was grinning faintly and looking at Flug (Flynn) expectantly.

 

What, was he expecting him to just jump him immediately? Was he going to grow angry when Dr. Flug showed his reluctance? Would he get forcefully if Dr. Flug didn't, well,  _ perform _ up to his standards? What exactly was it he wanted from him?

 

Black Hat held out his emptied wine glass and raised an eyebrow.

 

Oh, topping off his drink. Ok, he could do that. Easy!

 

Dr. Flug crawled over cautiously, not wanting to spill any of the wine on the assuredly expensive bedding. Black Hat's smile grew as he drew closer, for once looking less malicious and more...content.

Dr. Flug wasn't sure he'd ever seen Black Hat look like that before.

 

Well, his glass was full again, and he was slurping it just as quickly as he had the first, so Dr. Flug sat himself down next to him in a comfortable position as he sipped from his own glass.

Wow, these pillows were soft.  _ Really _ soft. What were they made of? What animal had Black Hat drove to extinction to get so many?

 

Black Hat slumped against him, getting an arm around him after a few tries. Seemed like it was hitting him quick, maybe he hadn’t eaten in a while? Black Hat tried to wrap his arms around him, but he was getting more uncoordinated every second. He huffed at his poor motor skills.

Dr. Flug finished off his glass of wine. Well, that was nice. He should covertly drink with Black Hat again if he was willing to break out the good wine.

 

Dr. Flug felt a clawed hand sluggishly grab at his ass. Instead of jumping out of his skin, he opted to relax and let it happen. It didn’t feel bad, or even odd really. It felt kind of...ok. He could be ok with this.

Black Hat pulled himself up to look Dr. Flug in the eyes. Yep, he was really feeling it now. And maybe Dr. Flug was as well. Dr. Flug lifted the bottle up to pour them both some more, but Black Hat just grabbed it out of his hands and downed the rest of the bottle.

 

Well, ok then.

 

Dr. Flug was a little bummed that he’d only gotten to have one glass of that sweet stuff, and even more bummed that he couldn’t really read the label. He would’ve liked to have more in the future. That was gonna be hard to do if he couldn’t even find out what it was.

 

“I think that was the best wine I’ve ever had.” Dr. Flug said. His voice for once coming out calmly and evenly.

“ **Mmmm,** ” Black Hat mumbled. He might’ve been trying to speak, but chugging an entire wine bottle’s worth after hours of heavy drinking on what was probably an empty stomach was evidently  _ a bit much _ . Even for a demon. Or whatever the hell Black Hat was.

 

Black Hat crawled on top of Dr. Flug again, although he was much less coordinated and way more sloppy. He just kind of randomly headbutted him or something and then his mouth was on his and Flug might’ve been leaning into it and WAIT WAIT THEY’RE KISSING THEY’RE KISSING KISSING IS HAPPENING ALL HANDS ON DECK WE WERE NOT PREPARED FOR THIS!

As surprised as Dr. Flug was to find that this was happening, he wasn’t exactly afraid anymore. Drunk Black Hat was pushy and forward and way more... _ flirtatious _ than Dr. Flug would’ve ever imagined, but he was also much less aggressive and much less demanding than he usually was. Dare Dr. Flug say it, if the circumstances were different this might not be such a bad situation he found himself in.

He could taste the remnants of that sweet wine on Black Hat’s tongue. Which was in his mouth. Black Hat’s tongue was in Dr. Flug’s mouth.

 

…

 

…

 

...

 

WAIT WHY THE HELL WAS HE FRENCHING HIS DRUNK BOSS IN HIS BED WHEN THE ENTIRE POINT WAS TO GET OUT OF HIS DRUNK BOSS’S BED?!

 

Wonderful delayed reaction there, Dr. Flug. You only noticed that there was an extra tongue in your mouth after you had gotten the sweet aftertaste of wine off of it. Bravo.

 

Dr. Flug found himself under Black Hat again (seriously, where was his mind today?), still locking lips and limbs were going places and this was starting to feel kind of good in all honesty. Black Hat wasn’t a bad kisser, despite being drunk as a skunk and using more tongue than anyone ever needed. Had he shifted a whole other tongue? It felt like there was more going on in this mouth than there should’ve been.

 

Not knowing exactly how he was going to get out of this, Dr. Flug resigned himself to just going along with it. Tomorrow morning was going to be a bitch but maybe Black Hat would shrug it off as he being drunk and Flug being cute under his bag.

If even an entire bottle of the best wine Dr. Flug ever tasted didn’t knock him out, well, he tried.

 

So Dr. Flug wrapped his arms around Black Hat as the demon licked and sucked at his neck. It had actually been a while since Dr. Flug had done “the deed” as it was, any maybe Black Har still had enough sense not to screw him to death.

Although that would kind of be a pretty awesome way to go. He should update his will to stipulate that in the event it ever happened, they had to put it on his tombstone. The world had to know that that was how he died! People had a right to know that Dr. Flug Slys went out LIKE A BOSS!

 

Dr. Flug snickered a bit at that thought, blending seamlessly with the series of small gasps and sighs he was producing for Black Hat as he gave his neck and chest his tongue action. The V-Neck top was full of tears and rips from Black Hat’s talons as he tried in vain to get it off and have “Flynn’s” bare chest all to himself.

You know, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

Then Black Hat stilled. Like, completely. No more licks, no more sloppy sucks (Oh God that sounded way dirtier than what I meant), no more teasing tentacles traversing the tent in Dr. Flug’s pants. Nothing.

Dr. Flug lifted his head as much as he was able with a limp demon draped over him, and saw that Black Hat really was just laying on top of him. His breathing seemed even, and he might’ve been snoring.

 

Oh so NOW he passes out!

 

Dr. Flug carefully wormed his way out from underneath Black Hat, taking great pains to ensure that his boss was not disturbed from his slumber, and tip-toed his way around the halls until he finally found himself back at his own room.

With a sigh, he pulled off the yellow V-neck, which was missing more than a few sequins, and tossed it out the window. Kicking his shoes off, he collapsed into bed and quickly fell asleep himself.

  
  
  


He was awoken rather rudely at promptly 6 am the following morning. Ugh, he was already tired. He was used to long nights and little sleep but he just wanted to stay in bed today. He felt sore.

As he slammed his hand down on the alarm to shut the damn thing up, he curled himself in a ball under the covers. Maybe Black Hat was still hungover and wouldn’t force him out of bed for another few hours.

 

Wait...hungover?

 

The events of last night came back to him and Dr. Flug bolted upright in bed! Which was a bad decision, as it made his head spin. Oh jeez, all he had was one glass of wine! And sucked some off his bosses tongue. While they were kissing. In bed.

Dr. Flug flopped back down onto his pillow. Which felt especially lumpy and hard compared to the goddamn clouds Black Hat slept on. Time for a new pillow.

Dr. Flug pulled himself out of bed to go check out his neck in his bathroom mirror. Yep, it was covered in nips and hickies. God, what was he going to tell Black Hat?

 

Actually, WHAT THE HELL  **WAS** HE GOING TO TELL BLACK HAT!? That he posed as a fan while Black Hat was getting crunk with Him in order to convince him (Black Hat) to poof them home and then got him even more drunk so that they wouldn’t accidentally sleep together?!

 

C’mon, he had to think of something better than that.

 

Shaking his head, he pulled out a new bag for the day with the eye holes cut out ahead of time. He pulled his goggles out of his pocket, amazed that they hadn’t broken, and strapped them to his head.

There, ignoring the multitude of marks on his neck, he looked no different than usual.

 

He wondered what Dementia would have to say when she saw him.

Oh God, Dementia. He’d never be able to tell her what he just did last night. She’d bash his brains in with her mace!

 

With a yawn and a stretch, he changed his jeans and put on a new T-shirt. He was already awake, might as well just carry on same as he did every day. Dementia was probably still asleep, as was 5.0.5., and hopefully Black Hat would spend today sleeping off his hangover. He’d sleep in a bit longer, if nothing else.

Dr. Flug sleepily walked into the kitchen, brewing himself a pot of coffee. He pulled out his favorite mug with it’s little plane decals, as well as the creamer and sugar. He didn’t like taking coffee black, it was too bitter.

 

He faintly heard footsteps in the hall. He was surprised, who else would be awake this early? He was double surprised to see it was his boss, hands on his temples and squinting like the little bit of sunrise pouring through the closed blinds was too much for him. His clothes were rumpled like he had slept in them.

Which, well, he had.

 

“G-Good morning sir.” Dr. Flug said as normally as he could. Black Hat just grunted at him and leaned against the countertop across from him. Maybe he would rather tough out his hangover with coffee than spend the day sleeping it off.

 

Dr. Flug couldn’t really think of anything nonchalant to say, and he wasn’t sure what if anything he  _ wanted  _ to say, so the two of them stood quietly in the kitchen while the coffee brewed. It was kind of awkward, at least from Dr. Flug’s end.

 

As the pot filled, Dr. Flug promptly filled his mug 3/4ths of the way, leaving the last 16th to be filled with creamer and however many sugars it took for him to get that perfect blend of caffeine and glucose. Usually it was 2-3, but some days it seemed like he needed the sugar rush so he cranked it up to 5.

Black Hat was right behind him with a black mug in the shape of a top hat. Dr. Flug had no idea where he got it from but it was admittedly pretty damn cool. Did the people who made it do commissions? Could he get a mug in the shape of a broken plane?

 

Dr. Flug waved his boss farewell as he headed towards the laboratory, going to start on the days work as he did every other day, when Black Hat called out.

 

“ **Flug** .” He croaked in a voice even raspier than usual.

Flug reluctantly turned around. “Y-yes, sir?”

“ **What happened to your neck?** ”

 

Crap, he noticed. Think of something! Anything! Literally anything that isn’t the truth is better than telling him what actually happened!

 

“Um, well, I didn’t want to disturb you while you were out with H-Him, so I took a cab home. The driver was, uh, kind of attractive and, well, one thing led to another, I guess.”

 

Black Hat raised an eyebrow at this. Crap, he wasn’t buying it. Change the subject! Change the subject!

 

“Did you and Him have a good time...doing whatever it is you two do?” He questioned.

Black Hat thought about it for a second before sipping from his mug of piping hot coffee. “ **Yeah, I had fun.** ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The jury's still out on whether or not I will write an alternate ending where Him got involved last chapter instead of opting to leave Dr. Flug out to dry. If you want it, you gotta say so.  
> I will probably write an alternate end where things actually do get kind of explicit in this situation between BH and Flug. Not anytime soon, but it'll probably happen. And we'll see much more of sloppy Black Hat drunkenness.
> 
> I'm glad people seemed to like this short little thing I did. If you've read my BH Org. (trademark pending) fic, you know I love drunken antics. While BH doesn't get as hilariously ridiculous as Flug did in that fanfic, I still like how things ended here.


End file.
